The life that we live

I managed to make it through the entire summer with less than a dozen flies in my house, but now here it is in the beginning of winter, and I have a ton of flies in my house “bugging” me to death. I know ha ha right? I have checked everywhere that these little creatures can be coming from but I don’t keep a dirty house and I don’t have anything that they could be laying eggs in so I just don’t get it. They have come to invade my home and they won’t leave. It seems like every time the door is opened a new fly finds itself a new home. How frustrating! Any  way I have resorted to those disgusting looking fly strips to finish them off and we are going to race in and out of the house until finally all of the flies are dead and gone because of the cold. I hope this works because I am sick of these disgusting little things flying around being a pain in my butt.

My best friend made a comment about me being on medication that I took to be offensive and hurtful. He tried to lighten it up and even asked me if I got my medication and if I was feeling any better. That was all fine and a nice gesture but then my son’s doctor wanted to change his medication. My best friend started in on me saying that maybe it is just all the sugar the kids have and that when his son was little he never gave him pop or kool aid.

He doesn’t live with us so he doesn’t realize that the only time I have either in the house is when he is coming over so that he can have something other than water to drink. That is usually what we drink in my house, that or milk and occasionally juice. When I told him this he told me it isn’t fair to the kids to get special treatment when he is around. I tried to explain to him that because he isn’t around much it is a special treat for them when he comes. It’s like a miniature holiday where they get special things such as the pop or kool aid.

He starts in again that he doesn’t think pills are the answer to everything and that the kids may just have to go through stuff as part of being a teen and get through it on their own. I don’t know how to convey to him that something being wrong with my kids is the LAST thing I want to be true. I completely understand kids go through things as part of being teens.

I don’t want my kids to be on medication like I am obviously and I surely don’t want them to go through the things I have without medication. The medication issue has been a long struggle in deciding and I have to do what is going to help my son whether he agrees with me or not. I have researched and talked to two different doctors about my son and what is best for him. I have tried it without medication and things have only gotten worse so this is something I have to do.

He, my best friend, came over yesterday around noon because we had to take my son to the middle school. He came to the house and we all hung out and watched T.V. until about ten o’clock when my kids went to grandma’s house. We were alone. There was no hugging or kissing or anything of the sort. I didn’t expect there to be, however I expected there to be some kind of discussion about either what almost happened between us the day before Halloween or the fact that some guy asked me out. He acted like none of it happened. None of it. What is up with that? I guess I could have brought up either but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I am just as guilty as he is I suppose but what really got me was that when he left he barely hugged me. He came back because he forgot something and gave me one of those side hugs that you would give a kid for doing a good job. So I am just going to try to forget anything almost happened and return to being just friends as we were before. I guess I have one of those just friends guys that I wrote about yesterday morning. I told you ladies, be careful.

I am frustrated and hurt today. I am waiting to get my medication and when I talked to my friend about it the response was ” I have issues with getting prescriptions for every emotional turmoil, but that’s just me” I feel like that is a personal attack. I know that I am just over reacting because of my emotional state but he doesn’t understand because he doesn’t go through the emotional highs and lows of being Bipolar. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be so anxious that you can’t sit still or think about a single thing for more than a few minutes without feeling like you are going to go crazy, then jumping to the next subject. He doesn’t get that you feel sick to your stomach all the time because you are so anxious, or that every muscle hurts because you can’t relax for more than a few seconds. He has never felt a jaw that has been clenched for hours on end just because tension is throughout your body and uncontrollable. He doesn’t know what it’s like to feel like the world has ended and left you behind. What it’s like to physically feel like you have been hit with a brick wall and you can’t even manage getting out of bed. When you sleep for 15 hrs and are still tired being unable to do anything but cry for your sanity. He just doesn’t understand and to hear that He doesn’t think you should use the medication as a crutch infuriates me. I feel like he is telling me that I am making this up or like I’m running away from my feelings. Doesn’t he understand the medication just slows down or calms down the thoughts so that I can deal with my emotions? I am so frustrated right now and I can’t voice this to him because I know I will say something I will regret. I don’t want to hurt him.

Ok well today I am bitching about my insurance company. I went to the doctors on the 20th because I have been going through some real manic times and I don’t want to hit a low because those really mess up my world. So any way I went in and the doc and I agreed I needed a medication change. He prescribed something that would help with the mania and would also eliminate two of my other medications, which is always a good thing since I am a walking pharmacy. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription which I am begining to desperately need and the pharmacist tells me that it is a medication that needs a preauthorization from the doctor. Sounds easy enough, I call the doctor and tell him and he sends it in the same day to the insurance company. Fine so it should be taken care of in the next day or two, right? Well I go back to the pharmacy to find out that it is still not approved. This goes on until yesterday, when I finally call the insurance company. They are giving me the run around. “Well you have to call the pharmacy because they didn’t send the information right”. The pharmacy sent the preauth in several times, I was there when they did it and I can’t imagine they did it wrong every time. They are not that incompetent. Now I waited on hold for 19 minutes and 38 seconds yesterday just to hear this. Yes I did keep track, being manic I had nothing better to do. Now I have to call them again today, using my minutes on my cell phone because of their screw up!! I am sooooooo frustrated. Ok so that is my Bitching session, will let you know how it goes when I know something.

Ya know I can’t wait until this freakin election is over. I am soooooo sick of listening to all of the name calling and bashing going on in these ads. It’s enough to drive anyone, everyone crazy!!! You can’t figure out what’s true and what’s bull shit. Everyone has something to say about everyone else but NO ONE has anything to say about the things that are important. The war, The taxes, The economy. Are any of these people concerned about what matters. I don’t know what ads are running where you are but the one’s I’m hearing are all negative and don’t talk about any of the answers to these problems.

I have decided that I am going to go on strike from house work!! I hate cleaning. There are always dishes dirty and the laundry is never ever done. Dirty socks and folding cloths the work is never done. Dusting takes forever and it seems like as soon as you dust there is a layer sneaking up behind you ready to pounce. And what is the deal with trying to dust electronics? The shit NEVER comes clean!! Then there is the vaccuming, you have to move all the furniture AFTER you pick up all the crap your kids leave all over then place and then you go to town just so the kids can throw their stuff everywhere a few hours later when they get home from school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids but the cleaning can be a pain. I want them to see just how much I really do around the house.. the kids that is. They are older so they are learning to appreciate what I do. Which is funny because usually kids at this age don’t appreciate anything, but my kiddo’s are learning. Laundry, I can handle doing every part of laundry except matching socks and putting cloths away. For some reason that just totally drives me crazy. So let us go over this, I hate dusting, sweeping, dishes, vacumming, and laundry.. Did I miss anything?? lol. I like cooking, I guess that makes me a good home maker, right? LOL No really it’s not that big a deal and usually I happily go about my day cooking and cleaning, listening to music, having a good ol’ time but some times I get frustrated and pissy because I feel under appreciated. Of course I can’t stand a dirty house so I have to do it and a lot of times I just drive myself crazy when someone does it different than me, I guess I have a little OCD when it comes to cleaning. OH well, so I had to bitch and complain for a minute before I… uh well… go clean

You want to know what pisses me off? I took all this time to write an incredibly insightful post for my post on this blog and I didn’t save it. I hit the back button by accident and lost it!! DO YOU BELIEVE IT???? How frustrating right? Any who

I am totally sitting here writing my little heart out because… well to be quite honest… I have nothing better to do. LOL. I am wide awake due to some mania which means even though I’ve been up for 20hrs it doesn’t matter  I’m still awake with no signs of sleep in my near future. I have to be awake in four hours to start homeschooling my son, who is also having an insomniacs night.

The two of us are a pair let me tell you, we are laughing and joking about the lack of sleep we are getting but we joke purely out of frustration. Maybe that’s how I deleted the post that I wrote, because I was to tired to realize what I was doing… Ya that’s it, I can blame it on being tired HA!!

Ok well that is what I’m doing right now but I have to get going because I have like 4 other blogs I have to write in and some advertising I have to collect. So hugs ya all and come back tomorrow and see what I’m upto! PEACE